Day 12 - No More Blah Days

The day began with a stint at the job, and ended with a stint at my 2nd job.  Anything that happened in between was unmemorable. 

Next week brings about new adventures. I am taking time to do things I love.  I made a couple calls already, to get a few folks on board.  Life is NOT just about working.  (Umm humm moment)  I am in control of my destiny.  If I want to have MORE fun in this life I'm living, then it is solely up to me.  

No more blah days.  Everyday has got to be more fabulous than the day before.  I must begin each day, with the intent on making life richer.  If I don't do something to enhance someone's life, then my living is in vain.  This life WILL NOT be in vain.  Love

Day 11 - Keep It Movin'

Unfortunately, this was another non productive day.  After running all week, at some point things tend to catch up with you.  I think life is catching up with me.  

I'm still pushing myself toward daily exercise.  I have always known what it takes to get mentally healthy.  Putting the proper actions into practice is a whole different game...so I must proceed. 

I spoke with an old friend today, and he asked, "How are you feeling"?  I appreciate, just the fact that someone has heard me say, I need to make some changes, in order to feel energetic.  I'm okay.  As each day goes by, I identify and eliminate things that are not good for my life.  

One of the things that irks me, is when people allow their animals to run loose.  I can recall growing up, and my father allowing his dog(s) to run around the yard, without a leash.  Now, in my adult life, it irritates me when I'm out walking, and am forced to have to interact with other folks' pets.  I've seen far too many stories, where people have been mauled by a dog.  Unfortunately, there are some people that don't think the "leash law" should pertain to their dog.  "My dog won't hurt you"!  How many times have we heard that one? The dog catcher usually can't get to you quick enough, to catch the culprit in action.  So for now, I guess all I can do is just keep the number close.  I WILL call.

Keeping it movin'.  Love

Day 10 - Nothin' Doin'

The day seemed to slip by me on Wednesday. I went out and cut the grass. That was my exercise. Somehow, I'm averaging only six hours of sleep. The plan, was that I was supposed to remain in bed, when I wake up early, but that is not working. So anyway, I got up and had some wonderful enchilada casserole. Of course I had to catch up on my shows.

Basically, it was just another uneventful day at the ranch. Love

Day 9 - It's Better To Give

I got my walk in again. The four mile walk was an hour well spent. I can't say that I got much done today, other than catch up on Hawaii Five-0 and Parking Wars. Just after finishing dinner, my youngest sibling brought me an enchilada casserole that I really didn't need, but she was so kind to honor my request. The water, vitamins, exercise, and diaologing has really helped. On to the next! Love

Day 8 - All Work And A Little Play

I had my soda on Sunday! Yippee!! I wasn't trying to avoid soda, but after drinking so much water each day, I just haven't had the capacity for the extra 20 ounces. I got a 4 mile walk in before going to bed. It's actually better for my sleep, to exercise before going to bed. I think the melatonin is also attributing to me having a more restful sleep.

Fast forward to my evening... I got a role again this year in a gospel stage play. I enjoy the little moment to step out of my shell for just a minute, and become this character. The play is coming along. This inspires me to continue writing an idea I had for a play. Just as soon as I can find the time. Love

Day 7 - Don't Tell Me How, Show Me

I didn't celebrate Mother's Day in the traditional way this year, with a card and gift, or taking my mom out to dinner.  I shower my mother with love all year long, just as my parents do me.  Sometimes I get irritated by the fact that folks only show love on holidays, special occasions, or funerals.  Am I wrong for that?  It's not for anyone to judge...its just the way things played out.  Even more so, since I've been an Aunt, I can honestly say that being a mother has got to be the hardest job on earth.  I'm not saying it's hard to love a child, but there is no step by step manual.  The day to day responsibilities are astronomical.  Watching my sister manage her three, its like "how are you doing it all"?  With all that mothers do, from baths, to feedings, to clothing, to changings, to pampering, to educating, to cleaning, to playing, to on and on and on...it's a great responsibility and I'm sure very rewarding. Watching your offspring grow from seed to responsible adult, has got to be the desire of every mother. To mothers everywhere, I salute you.  God made women, to handle this job, and has given you the resources and the wherewithal to pull it off, and at times, make motherhood look easy. 

I can recall my early years in really wanting love and attention from my mother.  Even back when there were just two or three of us kids in the family, I recall "screaming" out for my mothers affection.  I would write letters and leave it on the kitchen table.  I would hide (so I thought), just within earshot, so I could hear her reaction as she read my note.  Even as a 7-8 year old, I KNEW, mom knew I could overhear her talking to dad about my letter and she always said the right thing to reassure her love and intention for me.  Even to this day, I'm a very emotional being.  Getting hugs and being told "I Love You, back then, 30-35 years ago was something saved for church, holidays, birthdays, family reunions...etc.  I'm not saying that my parents didn't love me, cause they did, but what I am saying is that even today as an adult, the lack of affection has affected me.  Again, before anyone says anything, I know that my parents did the best they knew to do when raising a family.  As the saying goes, "when you know better, you do better".  Back then, there wasn't a lot of hugging and kissing on the cheek going on.  I desired that as a child.  I knew that.

And so things have changed, even as a family, as a society, we hug and embrace more, we say I love you more.  We are more comfortable with showing our emotions. My mother has grandkids now. Am I jealous of the love and attention they're shown? Sadly, probably. When I see my nieces, and nephews, I hug and love on them, as much as they'll let me. I always want them to know that their Aunt Tonya loves them. This is what is so wonderful about being in this moment. I'm comfortable expressing where I'm at in life. I address my issues and try to move on. In speaking with a male friend last night, I was sharing with him about my mother and how, possibly because of my independence, we don't spend the time together that we should. I can admit, I don't make the time that I should for family. I have let other things fill my time, and my relationship, with mom is not exactly where I want us to be.  Sure we love each other, there are just some things that even as a 40 year old woman, I still desire from my mother.  His response was, "Are you still hung up on all that old stuff"?  My reply was, "Who are you to tell me how I should feel? Who are you to say when I should get over something?". Growing up, my grandmother and mom were always going to Harry's IGA or Alco (lol) together. Grandma didn't drive, so she depended on her adult daughters to get out and about. That's what I remember. So it has played a role in what I want as far as being close with my mother.  I digress.  But my point was, memories don't change. If I experienced something, or felt a particular way about something as a child, how can you tell me how I felt?  You can't.  That's exactly why open communication is so very necessary between mother and child. There is no more special bond than that of a mother and child.  

In my adult years, I am more conscious of the impact that my actions have on those around me.  Not at all am I saying that I'm perfect.  I'm more aware that I too am a work in progress.   Mothers, while you are nurturing, feeding, educating, chastising and loving on your children, don't forget to take time to throw in a little hug every now and then.  A kiss on the cheek can't hurt either.  Children will remember that as they too will grow and raise a family of their own.  We are such a busy society.  Time is of the essence.  Just remember, the way you nurture will remain in your children's lives for ever.  There is nothing more special than the love of a mother.   Nothing makes my heart smile more, than to hear a message on the phone from my mom, "Hey Ton"!  Love

Day 6 - No Soda No Cry (or sleep)

I had a high level of anxiety all night. I just couldn't sleep. I'm assuming this anxiety was brought about, partially due to the high standards that I hold myself to (unnecessary worrying).  My family was coming to visit and get haircuts. There are some things that i will leave to the pros, and then there are times when I'll step out of my element and give it a try. I appreciate those who have put their faith in me when it comes to their hair.  While I still have lots to learn, I have come quite far.  Many times I tend to worry that something will be a challenge and it actually turns out alright. I guess the lesson to be reminded is, "Don't sweat things, out of your control. Do your best".

My energy level is on the rise.  I've been taking my vitamins and drinking every bit of the 90 oz. of water.  That's a lot of water.  Tuesday and Wednesday, I noticed that I hadn't had my (1) diet soda.  I didn't intend on eliminating pop, because I didn't want to deprive myself of anything.  Fast forward to Saturday, and I still hadn't had a soda.  The funny thing was, I didn't miss it.  I will have one soon though.  After 90 oz. of water, there just hasn't been any room for it. I'll get it in.  Love