I didn't celebrate Mother's Day in the traditional way this year, with a card and gift, or taking my mom out to dinner. I shower my mother with love all year long, just as my parents do me. Sometimes I get irritated by the fact that folks only show love on holidays, special occasions, or funerals. Am I wrong for that? It's not for anyone to judge...its just the way things played out. Even more so, since I've been an Aunt, I can honestly say that being a mother has got to be the hardest job on earth. I'm not saying it's hard to love a child, but there is no step by step manual. The day to day responsibilities are astronomical. Watching my sister manage her three, its like "how are you doing it all"? With all that mothers do, from baths, to feedings, to clothing, to changings, to pampering, to educating, to cleaning, to playing, to on and on and on...it's a great responsibility and I'm sure very rewarding. Watching your offspring grow from seed to responsible adult, has got to be the desire of every mother. To mothers everywhere, I salute you. God made women, to handle this job, and has given you the resources and the wherewithal to pull it off, and at times, make motherhood look easy.
I can recall my early years in really wanting love and attention from my mother. Even back when there were just two or three of us kids in the family, I recall "screaming" out for my mothers affection. I would write letters and leave it on the kitchen table. I would hide (so I thought), just within earshot, so I could hear her reaction as she read my note. Even as a 7-8 year old, I KNEW, mom knew I could overhear her talking to dad about my letter and she always said the right thing to reassure her love and intention for me. Even to this day, I'm a very emotional being. Getting hugs and being told "I Love You, back then, 30-35 years ago was something saved for church, holidays, birthdays, family reunions...etc. I'm not saying that my parents didn't love me, cause they did, but what I am saying is that even today as an adult, the lack of affection has affected me. Again, before anyone says anything, I know that my parents did the best they knew to do when raising a family. As the saying goes, "when you know better, you do better". Back then, there wasn't a lot of hugging and kissing on the cheek going on. I desired that as a child. I knew that.
And so things have changed, even as a family, as a society, we hug and embrace more, we say I love you more. We are more comfortable with showing our emotions. My mother has grandkids now. Am I jealous of the love and attention they're shown? Sadly, probably. When I see my nieces, and nephews, I hug and love on them, as much as they'll let me. I always want them to know that their Aunt Tonya loves them. This is what is so wonderful about being in this moment. I'm comfortable expressing where I'm at in life. I address my issues and try to move on. In speaking with a male friend last night, I was sharing with him about my mother and how, possibly because of my independence, we don't spend the time together that we should. I can admit, I don't make the time that I should for family. I have let other things fill my time, and my relationship, with mom is not exactly where I want us to be. Sure we love each other, there are just some things that even as a 40 year old woman, I still desire from my mother. His response was, "Are you still hung up on all that old stuff"? My reply was, "Who are you to tell me how I should feel? Who are you to say when I should get over something?". Growing up, my grandmother and mom were always going to Harry's IGA or Alco (lol) together. Grandma didn't drive, so she depended on her adult daughters to get out and about. That's what I remember. So it has played a role in what I want as far as being close with my mother. I digress. But my point was, memories don't change. If I experienced something, or felt a particular way about something as a child, how can you tell me how I felt? You can't. That's exactly why open communication is so very necessary between mother and child. There is no more special bond than that of a mother and child.
In my adult years, I am more conscious of the impact that my actions have on those around me. Not at all am I saying that I'm perfect. I'm more aware that I too am a work in progress. Mothers, while you are nurturing, feeding, educating, chastising and loving on your children, don't forget to take time to throw in a little hug every now and then. A kiss on the cheek can't hurt either. Children will remember that as they too will grow and raise a family of their own. We are such a busy society. Time is of the essence. Just remember, the way you nurture will remain in your children's lives for ever. There is nothing more special than the love of a mother. Nothing makes my heart smile more, than to hear a message on the phone from my mom, "Hey Ton"! Love
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